How to get a girlfriend or boyfriend.

A lot of people ask me how to get a girlfriend or boyfriend. Love advice seems to be my speciality along with giving directions and imparting my 5 sometimes 6 step facial cleansing routine.

Photo Source: Colts Chocolates

Photo Source: Colts Chocolates

Since Valentine’s Day is coming up, I thought it would be fitting to share my advice on a question we’ve all had cross our minds at least once if not 500 times in our lives. I will preface, you may not like my answer but keep an open mind, read to the end, and I encourage you to reflect on my unsolicited advice (WOW! Am I my Mother’s daughter OR WHAT!! Taking Tiger Mom to the Internet!)

Finding a girlfriend or boyfriend starts with the age old cliche, ‘you must know thyself first‘. Why is this important? Let me use an analogy.

Let’s say you were applying for a job. I’m assuming we’ve all applied for jobs before. Applying for jobs is a lot of work. Questions we often ask ourselves are:

  • What do I want to do?
  • What industry do I want to be in?
  • What company do I want to work for?
  • What do I want my career path to be? Where do I see myself in 5 years? 10 years?
  • What role do I want within the industry or company?
  • What is the job description?
  • How do I fit the job description?
  • What are my strengths?
  • What are my weaknesses?
  • What can I bring to the team/company/industry that no one else can? How do I add value?
  • What do I expect this job will give me?
  • What is my ideal salary? What is my worth?

Applying for a job is exhausting. It’s a ton of time, a ton of energy, and it can really take a toll on your self confidence but we keep plugging away it. Checking websites, networking, and all the while hoping we strike lucky!

The approach we take to job searching is the same approach we should take to looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend. I know this takes the Hollywood romance out of it – we didn’t catch each other’s eye through an empty shelf at the library or accidentally graze the same broccoli at the grocery store, but it makes sense – finding a girlfriend or a boyfriend is a numbers game. It just is. Just like applying for a job is a numbers game.

And here’s the thing, some people get lucky with jobs, and some people, though extremely qualified, don’t get the job. Jobs are about the right FIT. It’s not just about skills. What do you add to the team, what does the team not already have that you bring to the table.

Relationships are just the same. Run through the same questions – if you’re looking for a partner – what is the description of he/she? What are your strengths and weaknesses? This will be good to know when you start the dating process, how do we balance each other? Where can I be strong when he/she is weak and vice versa.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? Maybe you want to travel the world. Maybe you want kids, maybe you don’t want kids. Maybe you want to own 5 dogs but guess what – your partner is allergic!! NOW WHAT? These are things to think about.

Often, relationships go sour because expectations aren’t aligned. You think one thing, he/she thinks another thing and suddenly you feel so apart. COMMUNICATE. Don’t expect that someone thinks the same way you do. Don’t make assumptions – you are not a mind reader. And if you aren’t sure, ASK. There is nothing worse than thinking you know what he/she thinks only to find out, you have no idea who this person is at all. (Been there, done that) ALIGN EXPECTATIONS. It doesn’t need to be an interview, it just needs to be real.

I am a very pragmatic person, and though I love romance I also understand reality. You need to put in some effort, you need to know yourself. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, how will you find it?


“Lay Lady Lay” by Bob Dylan*

Listen here:

Kumbaya here:

Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed
Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed
Whatever colors you have in your mind
I’ll show them to you and you’ll see them shine.

Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed
Stay, lady, stay, stay with your man awhile
Until the break of day, let me see you make him smile
His clothes are dirty but his hands are clean
And you’re the best thing that he’s ever seen.

Stay, lady, stay, stay with your man awhile
Why wait any longer for the world to begin
You can have your cake and eat it too
Why wait any longer for the one you love
When he’s standing in front of you.

Lay, lady, lay, lay across my big brass bed
Stay, lady, stay, stay while the night is still ahead
I long to see you in the morning light
I long to reach for you in the night
Stay, lady, stay, stay while the night is still ahead.

*This version is sung by Magnet and Gemma Hayes


Day 9: My Christmas Crush

I've been waiting for this moment since after Jessica Rabbit captured my heart. She was my first love and I don't discriminate. Half rabbit, half human. I don't see color. I don't see fur. We all have one heart.

FUCK - you look good!

I have to say, she's played hard to get. It's been quite the chase. And sadly for you, Jessica, you fictitious cartoon character, another has stolen my heart. Her name is none other then Ellen Griswold from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

You look pretty

After watching it for the first time (I know, I'm lame) today I realized well actually, I'm at a crossroads, with maybe 3 avenues.

Path #1

I have a crush on her

Path #2

I want to be her

Path #3

I have a crush on her because I want to be her and as such, want to be with myself, if I were her?

What makes her so great? Several things.

  • I like how her hair moves like a carpet – just one piece a flowing.
  • I like how big her hair is. I like big hair and I cannot lie. It's defying gravity for Christ's sake! I mean, it's amazing!
  • I like her blouse, it's open in the front but I can't see anything – keeping the mystery alive!
  • The blouse, paired with the emerald green skirt make her a fashion aspiration. I want to wear the whole outfit, appropriate or not, to my work Christmas party.

Look at the hair! Look at that blouse!!

Not a flattering picture, but the only one I could find of her full outfit - it's a godsend

This Christmas, all I want is you Ellen.

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A Guide! What to do when they’re emotional…

 

Sorry, for some reason the scanner didn't want to do the very right side!

 


So, you’re in the danger zone, now what?

Uh oh, you got yourself into the danger zone. You know what I’m talking about. You said or did or said and did something you did or did not mean — and then you used a shovel or bulldozer or digging mechanism of choice to dig your own grave.  OH Ho HO — Someone is MAD at YOU!

How to check yourself, even after you’ve wrecked yourself.

5 Easy Steps:

*FOLLOW THEM EXACTLY and you’ll win every time. Deviate, and you’re done

1. IMMEDIATELY ADMIT FAULT. I mean IMMEDIATELY. Apologize profusely. At least fifteen times.

2. Say something like “I don’t know WHAT I was thinking. How could I have told you … you look fat/your best friend’s a bitch/flipped on you for buying ANOTHER pair of shoes/this is the worst dinner in the history of food/your new eyeshadow makes you look like Ursula from the Little Mermaid/oh THAT’s what taupe is?! I didn’t mean ANY of that!!”

3. Then say something like, “You look great!/Your best friend is amazing/You can have all the shoes you want/No no, I did really like dinner – I just ate a bucket of shit before hand so it was distorting the taste – we should go out for dinner more often, my treat, and I should stop eating so many buckets of shit/I meant your new eyeshadow looks magical – like Disney! You look like a princess/Of course I know what color taupe is! Doesn’t everyone?”

4. BE CUTE. I mean SUPER super SUPER cute. Do not be defensive. That will make your grave turn into quicksand. The key here is 3 things.

A) Remorse. Show remorse. You feel BAD. You did something WROOOONG. And you are SORRY!!!

B) Tone. The tone changes everything. Example. “You look nice today!”–GOOD!!! Or “You *pause* look *pause* nice to — day …” BAAAAAD!!!

C) Everyone has a cute thing. Find yours. What is it? Can you make puppy eyes? Do you make a funny face? Are you a jokster? Use this strength to your advantage. You need to. She/He will eat you alive – don’t underestimate his/her abilities.

5. STATE, not ASK, STATE, even exclaim! “I will make it up to you!” A variety of things can follow from here; the usual, flowers, chocolates, or go creative!

Make a card. Plan a dinner. Suggest an activity you can do together that he/she has been nagging you to do together – this can include but is not limited to: trying hot yoga, taking a knitting class, and going sky diving.

The key to this last step is that you FOLLOW THROUGH – and in a timely manner.

Otherwise, guess what? You’re back in the danger zone!!!

 


Eight Mill Wedding

I first met JR years ago – a warm, funny, and talented co-worker, I was over the moon to discover JR’s talents in 8mm film.

8mm film was first introduced to the world in the 1930s by Kodak as an economical way to capture home movies. With technology rapidly changing, 8mm is now hard to find.

JR’s kept 8mm alive. His infatuation with 8mm started just before film school in Toronto, Ontario. At a discount store he bought his first 8mm camera for only $2 and that noisy little camera is still working today.

For over ten years, JR has put his vintage camera to work as he captures the most special of moments, weddings.

A guest at a friend’s wedding, he shot it and gave the video to the Bride & Groom as a wedding gift. After putting the footage together with a great song he knew he had stumbled onto something magical. I think he has too. Check out his 2012 Highlight Reel here and get ready to fall in love.

I was so inspired by this video, I just had to know what inspires him.

He told me, “The biggest thing I love to capture, and what inspires me to keep filming are the moments when no one realizes they’re being filmed.  You have to constantly be aware of what’s going on around you and anticipate what’s about to happen.  It’s exciting when you know that you’ve captured something special that’s completely raw and honest.  I really focus on the moments in between, if that makes any sense.”

It makes sense to me! After an answer so sweet, I was curious to know, what was his definition of love? “Tough question” he laughs, “I find love is in the little things.  Like when you get up at the crack of dawn to iron your girlfriends outfit and make her coffee before she goes to work.  That’s love.” … GAH!! I think I’m in love!

For more Eight Mill Wedding, click here. Happy Valentine’s Day <3

 


This is why my Dad is AWESOME! Reason #12

My Dad is an economical person. He spends money where he sees value and poo poos on things he doesn’t. Recently we took a family vacation to Le Blanc Spa & Resort in Cancun, Mexico – a 5 diamond resort and the number one ranked resort in all of Cancun – Dad doesn’t think the food is awesome. He hates their pens. The massage wasn’t great. WHAT?!

My Dad looks like an Owl. But taller and skinner. I think owls like to save money, I mean, if they used money that is, they would save it.

Dad is the kind of person that gets toe polish because he PAID for this pedicure! The kind of guy uses everything until it’s very last thread. The kind of man who only buys groceries on sale and if you forget to buy something – that is TOO BAD because we aren’t going back – because it costs money to buy gas and we’re on a geographically optimized route – DUH! Money doesn’t grow on trees!!

Daddy does have a soft spot though, for, stuffed animals. If there’s a stuffed animal to be bought, he’ll look at them all. Assessing which bear is cuter, which puppy is softer – should he buy some clothes for the dog? Does he look better wearing it? Or without? How many should he buy? One for him, some for gifts … One wearing a scarf, one wearing a sweater – what about a dress? It doesn’t matter the price, as long as its cute – Daddy Mak will have it, and that’s why he’s awesome.

How else is my Dad awesome? Click here to find out!